You Me & US - One Step at a Time

I often used to get this compliment from the girls I knew in college that I would make a perfect husband. May be because I had been nice to them, told them beautiful things and always gave them a positive vibe. And I did believe so too, that I was that Man. Only to latter realize that, that wasn’t true and in fact far from the truth. Because Marriage is not the same thing as a few small talks or once a day meet ups.  It takes a great deal of time and effort (and fights and tears) for two strangers of different personalities, liking and upbringing to accept each other’s differences, change a few habits and get that synergy to live together under the same roof as a couple. I am married for more than 5 years to this beautiful smart lady and can now confidently say that I am a far better husband, than the one I used to be, yet striving for that perfection which could take another decade or two.

While being the perfect couple could be the final destination, the beauty lies in the process – the fights and make ups, the bashings and hugs, the tears and smiles, the arguments and happy exchanges, the bad words and the cute little nicknames we call each other. So this woman I met for the first time in a temple, surrounded by relatives – mine and hers, not knowing anything other than the fact that she is beautiful (not even that she is a vegetarian- the implications of which were life changing :-P ), followed with a few months of chats getting to know the basic stuff and BANG one day, we were married and living together.

We had a world of differences between us which would crop up at frequent instances, lead to arguments and fights but nevertheless at the end of it, we are together and a step closer than the previous day. Slowly but steadily, we have both changed for the better and today, it would be hard for us to imagine a world without each other. As we stare at brighter horizons this year, I am so looking forward to a time when we are as old as wood, holding hands and lying beside a beach side resort having seen many ups and downs but moved closer every single time. Happy Valentines Day Piku :-) 

The Power of Thought

There are times in life when you have so much thoughts flowing in your head that you would immediately want to put it in paper. Had one such day today at a Book Review event in LITTLE LOVE LIBRARY, Anna Nagar, Chennai. Once we are past our graduation and get in to a professional routine, we hardly get to time to do the things we love to, like in college. You hardly meet your friends despite them being in the same city. In all this rush and madness of routine, if one can manage to find a small gathering of like minded individuals who would want to have a sane discussion on topics that usually the general public find vague, it’s your oasis in desert full of humans.

Little Love Library is one such small lending place for books run by a woman who has had it her passion to make a career around books. Heard of it through my wife and we’ve been regulars at the place for a couple of months now. This week for the first time, they experimented with a book review, the book being Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret. I haven’t read the book but have been hearing from a lot of friends about how transformational the book is and it is a must read. On the insistence of my wife we made it sharp at the venue and were surprised to see the little place overflow with people, around twelve of them. I was the only odd man out there being a Banker in a crowd that had entrepreneurs, writers, free lancers, psychiatrist , short film maker and HR professionals.

‘The Secret’ is about the ‘power of thought’ as to how your thoughts however odd or stupid they sound are bound to occur depending on your level of conviction and belief.  This could be about an event, a thing one wants, relationships or even money. The moment you think and believe of wanting them to happen, they do happen, for that is the power of thought. You imagine a good day, it’s a good day. You feel bad, it’s bad. Because the universe responds to human thoughts whatever be it.

Might sound crazy but I guess it does work, it is just the discipline and conviction with which you practice this habit of inculcating positive thoughts that will shape one’s life. While I am one of a kind when it comes to handling thoughts, a weird one. Some would call it wired wrongly for I feel sad when something happy is happening to me and happy when something sad is happening. For in a happy moment, I would think that it is bound to end and this too would pass while in a sad moment, I feel things cannot get worse from here and that it should only get better.  This is what makes for happy Saturdays and sad Sundays for the next day being Monday. Infact this line of thought has fetched me a lot of money in the share markets when I go bottom fishing looking for stocks that are worst downside for a buy, cos they only get better that they have had enough beating. In Rhonda Byrne’s line of thinking it is only a direct reflection of the thought that I hold.

There’s my favorite Paulo Coelho book ‘The Alchemist’ which expands on this with a fictionary tale of a shepherd boy in search of a treasure that,” when you really want something, the whole world conspires in helping you achieve it”. We got to constantly keep telling ourselves of the things we want, to get them. To make this process of belief in thoughts easy, our ancestors had created Gods of different forms and shapes who are set in various religious places where devotees come seeking their wishes with all faith. It is more the thought that is lending the prayers true.

How this works and what is the science behind it is unknown, but the thought does magic as long as you trust in it. Believe in what you want, write down the good things you’ve had in life, see the good in people, keep reminding yourself of your goals, dream and dream of living those dreams, love everyone and just be happy, the happiness in thought will reverberate happiness in your life exponentially. Thanks to the Little Love for all the Lovely thoughts and Lovely people you have brought together. 

India's Daughter - My Take

A few days back when the whole issue crept up with the Government’s ban on the BBC documentary, India’s Daughter – The Story of Jyoti Singh, I did have a thought that it was a right decision since this could be one of those chances where the western world portrays India has a land of miseries while we are on the verge of becoming an economic super power. But today 8^th March, after watching the Documentary myself, I believe that this is one thing that should be made a compulsory watch for all Indians here and abroad. The film is genuine in its intent to bring out the reason behind this heinous crime which shook the world. It doesn’t take a stand or pass opinions but rather airs two set of contrasting views. One from the victim and another from the convict, one from the defence lawyers and another from the civic society. The judgement is left open for the viewer to make.

As much as I felt angry about the cruelty involved with such an inhuman act, I was also made to realise that a death sentence to the offenders is in no way going to solve this problem of rape which runs so deep in to our society. This incident is not just about the crime against women but several other ills that India faces - gender inequality, female infanticide, urban rural divide, social classes, income inequality, slums, impact of the surroundings and brought up on the psychology of a juvenile. The documentary brilliantly showcases not just what is wrong with India but also the brighter side of what makes us different. The anger with which the young people took to the streets to bring justice to a slain soul and fought a battle like it was their own. I adore the intention of the parents who unlike most other Indian households spent all their money in educating their daughter and letting her be what she wanted to. It is sad that they have to go through all this. The pain and sorrow in their eyes and voices will shake even the hardest of men.

We would need to create a society where all parents start treating their daughters with equal importance and liberties as their sons like that of Jyothi’s. The change should not happen in prisons and court rooms but in every single home and school, both rich and poor. It needn’t be through laws but through education. When a girl cooks, it’s a duty and when a guy does, it’s  a hobby. What non sense! It is such simple things that cascade to far more bigger evils when look at as a whole. The mindset is the devil. And this needs to change today. Watching this documentary could be a good start. 

Looking forward to a day when, “Behind every successful woman, there is a man” becomes a common saying than the other way around.

Time & Tide

If you guys had watched the Justin Timberlake starrer, “In Time” you would have found it more of a science fiction that could be a reality in the distant future where you are as rich as the time you have with you. Time is money. But what we fail to realize is that even today, Time is everything.  Here I am after completing a silver jubilee on planet earth, working ten to ten on weekdays and a few Sundays as well. I earn plenty of money but what I don’t get is Time. Time to do the things that I really want to do. Read a book, watch a movie, write to a friend, pen a blog, take a trip alone without anything planned, meet up with some friends for dinner,  a conversation with a fellow intellect on the complexities of life and existence  and some quizzing. The list is endless but the time is very less. The regrets keep piling up with every passing day. I wish my day had 36 hours !!!

I am learning to plan my day out so that I could at least fit in a few of the above things in my daily life but it simply ain't enough. I have started to appreciate little things like less traffic on the road, if my computer boots fast or if the waiter gets my food without delay as these things save me a little ME time even though negligible. You come back after a hectic day and all you want to do is stretch out and nap.  There was a time not long back, when I was in college, I had all the time on earth but never used it the right way. Would help if I had a time machine that could take me back and give me a second chance to live it better. But oops time travel is just fiction. Only after you feel the importance of a thing that you realize how you have been misusing it. I’m sure you guys came across this Facebook thing which summed up your past year using your status and pics. I tried mine out and my timeline stopped with May , the time I joined work. Simply, I have just missed half a year.

I don’t know if things would change if I move to a less hectic job or if I start a business on my own. But one thing I have realized that it is the simple things that I do in the little ME time that I have is what makes my day and not the whole time I sit in office whining about a horrible boss and the pressure of delivering a humongous sales target. A well thought out thriller, a deeply engrossing conversation with a friend, a chat on a whatsapp group with my school friends scattered geographically across the world, a soul touching song with headphones on, a drive on an empty road in the midnight, some self cooked food and an interesting read. This is life.

You’re life gets defined by how you use your ME time. Different things would interest different people, that’s subjective. But use your ME time efficiently doing all the things you really like cos that is what will make your life livable. Now that there’s no time travel, it is better if we could live every day and spend every ME time your way. Think that you have come back in time from the future to this day, just so that you live it memorably without any regrets. Start now. Hopefully the next year when Facebook summarizes my year for me, it would be complete and every bit memorable. So all, wish you a very Happy New Year  2015. J Oops I’m gonna be 26 this September. 

The Bong Connection

I am very compelled to write about how the Modi Wave (smartly dubbed by Twitterati as TsuNaMo) swept the nation and what are the excitements and fears that we might face with a stable government in the centre but since that is all that you see and hear in the media these days with the editors generating an overdose of articles that intend to emphasize the meteorical rise of a chaiwala who is destined to be India’s Prime Minister, I would rather choose a different subject to write on.

Are you someone who loves your identity? Someone who takes pride of who you are and where you come from, very much like the pride that Mr Modi shares about being an Indian Guajarati Hindu Nationalist (Well, it’s tough to restrain myself from mentioning that name at this time ;) So bear with). I am one of them, I love where I belong. And I believe that’s the same with most of you as well for we are brought up in such surroundings and that is what defines our world beyond. Now, have you ever liked any other community of people as much as you did about yours?

I had this thought of what would I have chosen to be other than a Tamilian, had I been given that choice and to my surprise, I had a definite answer. A Bengali aka Bong :) (Let me start by saying, I am not seeing any Bengali girl nor do I have any such plans ;) ). It is just something about them that makes me so envious, is it their love for art, music, movies, literature, conversations, food, football, durga pooja, siestas, colours, sexy sounding language, simplicity, history or is it because I’ve already listed out so many options as to why.

I have never been to Kolkata in my life but I had the pleasure of befriending some wonderful Bengalis over the past few years who have been very great ambassadors of what it is like to be what they are. When the whole world seems to be in a mad rush to move on in haste and catch up with the impatient world, the Bengalis are once who live in the present. They relish happiness in simple things that you can derive from the moment, not all of which can be bought by money.

It is this approach to life that has led to a great amount of talent originate from this small state that has been the centre of power in British India, right from the greats of Rabindarnath Tagore, Swami Vivekananda, Netaji, Satyajit Ray, Amartya Sen to today’s Saurav Ganguly, Rituparno Gosh, Derek O’Brien and even the Fake IPL Blogger who set the social media on fire. They are always open for conversations over a sweet for snack, maybe that’s why Dr Sen chose to give his book the title “The Argumentative Indian”, a clear case of Self Reference Criterion SRC in marketing lingo. I have had them suggest me a great deal of books to read and movies to watch which has helped me raise my bars in terms of my taste for substance.

A happy life doesn’t necessarily mean a huge bungalow, SUVs, 7 digit bank balance. You can have all of those and still be unhappy as you would want even more. What’s better than a good verse of Tagore’s poetry, a window seat on the tram to Victoria Mahal, a ride on Howrah and a match between Mohun Bagan and East Bengal! (None of which I have experienced but all of those on my bucket list). Having said all this, how can I miss not mentioning the Bengali women ;) Not just because they are gorgeous looking with expressive eyes, but it is their sense of independence and the intelligence in thought and action. (Not surprised Rahul Gandhi didn’t do well in West Bengal for they are already empowered women long before even his granny).

Them Sens, Basus, Chakrabortys, Mukherjees, Das and Naths are mostly living examples of what we have lost than what we have gained. We can’t be a Bengali in this lifetime but we can very much try to live like one. So try and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Don’t miss out experiencing the journey in haste to reach your destination. Live life, Bong size ;)

(NOTE: These are just my observations. In case I got anything wrong, kindly leave me a note and I’ll correct myself)

The Sobremesa Gang

It has been a month out of college and I’m all set to move on to the next step in my life, make a living on my own. But sitting back at home idle over the past month, I wonder if life would ever be the same again. It’s not because I miss the place or being tutored but the people, the friends for the past two years. Once you are in your post graduation, there is always some amount of maturity in the way we carry ourselves with our friends unlike the friends from school or under graduation. It is more about spending some quality time, having memorable conversations, learning from each other whatever one is good at, discussing each other’s lives now and after and yet spare a few laughs and pull each other’s legs. Christ had given me all of it. Thanks to the wonderful people I got to know.

Everybody has a gang. It took me sometime to figure out where I belong for I was always the odd man out in the place, which I now call my gang. Here’s to the tiny gang of mine without whom Christ wouldn’t have been half as good.

Advithi  aka Advi– The Sane One

There are just few people who would be on the good books of everyone around, she’s one of those rare kinds. Never loses her cool whatever be it, takes everything with a smile and the one who keeps us all grounded. Everybody has problems when someone doesn’t pick up your calls or takes time to respond, but with Advi, that never happens. She’s literally a click away (the ideal girlfriend but taken ;) ).  She always has the alternate option of taking up a job in the UN as a translator as there are very few Indian languages she can’t speak. A very good listener and an expert in Bollywood gossips (You got to watch Mahesh Bhatt’s rapid fire Advi).

Aparna aka Appy – Ms Beautiful

It’s an irony she likes Vijay when her second name is Ajith (I’m hoping she sees the truth on this). It’s true she dances so well that she makes everyone around fade away but that doesn’t warrant her to add a bit of dance to everything she does (Even in the dumb video presentation we had to submit to Ashish Sir. No wonder you scored the highest ;) ). The best desk mate anyone can have for you can talk anything and everything and bring up the weirdest arguments provided she doesn’t get caught and be sent to the first desk  (My favourite- the dowry debate and the relationship talks). If Advi can be the ideal girlfriend, Appy is a complete nightmare. You don’t call her, she calls you :P and that’s when even you had forgotten you had called. She’s a bunch of contradictions. Nevertheless, she is someone everyone in Christ knows and likes, a complete goodie.

Muffadal aka Muffi- The Real Mr Know-it-all

A complete gentleman, never talks a word out of place and knows his manners at all times. He is a powerhouse of knowledge, knows everything that interests him to the highest detail and yet never very vocal about it. A man of few words, talks only when necessary and never pretends to be someone he is not. He clearly knows what he wants and what others think about him is never an issue. He keeps doing what he wants to no matter what. Super intelligent yet very hard working. The kind of person whom you are sure would do wonderful in life. And yea not to miss out the fan following he shares with the women and the cat fights he triggers between his loyalists. I hope he gets us some good influence when his uncle Modi becomes the PM.

Anindita aka Onin- Chottu Didi

When you talk about Muff, you need to mention Anindita next. If Oxford Dictionary was a woman, it’s her. She comes up with a plethora of words out of oblivion and leaves us all dumbfound. Our little princess, is such a fun to pull her legs. You are the life of our gang Anin. Unless you mention, no one would ever know that you are a Bengali. She has a knack of getting things done and is fascinated by fellow geeks and studious lot. Probably the only one who is linked to every guy in class (I think she stage handles it). There’s a reason I called you our princess, you just let things behind so that we are there to pick it up for you and also the flock of princes who make your family. You are a bottle of life, always had a smile when I had been around you.

Adhitya aka Adi- Serial Killer

I remember Aditya telling me once that nothing excites her more than getting the new episode of a series as soon as it is out. I was thinking she would make a good pair with someone who runs an internet centre but she’s finally caught up with a fellow Serial Killer (Best wishes to you Monica and your Chandler). She’s the oldest friend I know(It’s not the age that I’m talking about :P ), matlab from Engineering. She is my gate pass to the gang (I remember you telling me that Advi looks like Silky. No, she doesn’t). We were part of the Peter gang (term used for people who talk in English in Tamil Nadu ;) ) in college but only after coming here did I know how big a stylish Tamizlachi she is. A big fashionista who lives life queen size and the one with the biggest bag collection. She keeps the sad things to herself and is at her best at all times.

Swathy- The Woman

We often have a few names which we give as examples when we talk about successful women (Indra Nooyi, Kiran Bedi etc), Swathy could be one such (Really ;) ). Super smart, level headed, focussed and hard working. She can make castles out of thin air, I’ve never seen anyone who can put their thoughts across as clearly as she does, bang on. She’s someone who isn’t easy to impress and she doesn’t fake liking for people. She loves the ones she likes and hates the ones she hates (superlative tense :D ). It kinda took me a while to know her but once we were through, she’s such good company. She can crib the whole day when it comes to Christ and India (This is how I start a conversation with her when there is nothing to do :P ). My fellow CR, gets super hyper for small things but super cool when it comes the big stuff. She left me with very few work doing most of it herself.  Swathy, I’m sure you are gonna go places.

Such wonderful memories you guys have given me. I’m really happy I got to know you guys and would always try and be so. There’s this Spanish word “Sobremesa” which well reflects the time when we let our friendship brew – around the lunch table. Here’s to more such sobremesas in the coming years.

The Reluctant Traveller

Do you have a bucket list? (The things you wish to do before you kick the bucket or the things you live to do before u die). Well, I have one and I realized that more than anything, most of the list had places which I wish to go – exotic locations, adventure beckoning and spiritual calling. The thing is I have had them on my list since long and haven’t checked even a single box yet and I don’t see myself doing it in the near future as well. Why? I am a reluctant traveller.

 I have friends sending me links like the 10 breathtakingly beautiful places in India you must visit or 20 stunning ways to look at the world. I get absolutely awed seeing them and the first thing I do, add them to my bucket list and may be post back a link of 30 epic places you must visit before turning 30 (There’s no scarcity for such lists these days J ). So, it stays there. The bucket list gets bigger and byte-r while I keep visiting the 4-5 places I can never ignore going, even if I want to ;-) .

Thinking of the reasons why I don’t actually travel, I have a few jotted down.

• 1.       Busy with what I’m doing (which is nothing)
• 2.       Seeking permission from parents and getting to hear the 40 things you shouldn't do on a trip advice play on loop.
• 3.       Need to find company
• 4.       I’m a miser
• 5.       And above all LAZY, yea L-A-Z-Y.

Once in a while, I watch a movie which explores life through a journey of self realization, a friend whom I emulate shares her experience of the recent travel she had been on and the next one on her list, a desk partner in class whispering about the places she would like to visit with her guy and the endless pictures of my friends posing before the places I had bucketed popping up on my Facebook wall. Such things give me this new found urge of letting go all my thoughts and actually making the trip bang on. But it’s just a matter of time before I let my laziness take over.

It actually makes me feel guilty that I’m wasting my life dreaming about these places and finding someone to blame on for my inaction. And then there’s this conversation which happened with a friend which made me realize that it is not the place which actually excites me but the thought of it. It’s the idea of travelling that I am fond of, not travelling itself (It’s something like I like music but I don’t want to play it myself, I appreciate creativity but I am least creative myself and so on).

I quote my friend, “It is just the idea that I like. I am not sure I would actually enjoy being in those places. I don’t know because I haven’t been to those places. I would rather sit down and have some good company. The few places I have been, the memories of the trip are always the people and the fun we had with those people, not the places exactly. I don’t think I can sit at a beach or a mountain top and just gaze at the infinite sky or sea and that somehow alters my life”.  

How true! I felt goose bumps when I watched Alia Bhatt @ Veera in “Highway” cry uncontrollably at the glimpse of the gushing water in her final destination, a sense of purity and achievement. But is that what I would feel or do when I get there! I doubt. I would rather be confused or bored of the gaze rather than amused. It’s always the people you are with that are important, here or anywhere. Places just form the backdrop for a beautiful memory like the troupe dancers who go unnoticed behind the typical Bollywood Hero & Heroine, however ravishing they are.  They form cues to the wonderful companionship that you experienced.

I would rather live with the regret of not being to a place than take that tedious trip to sit on a mountain top for ten minutes and feel bored (that’s just the lazy ME :P ). I would be comfortable watching “In to the Wild” on my laptop, listen to my friend share her adventures or go out for a coffee on the next street J. My favorite place would always remain wherever I am, cos that is where I AM. ;)